Baby Bezbaruah - this lively name belongs to a
colorful and a gracious woman, who was my mother.
I am the 2nd of her six children. She left my father
and all of us, totally heartbroken, for her heavenly
abode at a very young age, on March 1st, 2004.
Quite often, I see people in their 70's and 80's with
colorful attires driving all around the place in Houston
- and seeing them I was (and still am, though my
mother is gone) always relieved and thankful to God
for allowing Science/Technology be so progressive as
to let people live longer these days. But alas! that did
not hold true for my Ma. She was only 72 when she
left us, going to be 73 in July of this year.
I always remember my mother as being a very active woman. She could never sit idle -
she had to do something or the other. She retired as the Assistant Head Mistress of Kali
Ram Barooah Girls' High School in 1989. She was a people's person - so now that she
had retired from her 30+ year teaching career, she had to get involved into some
organization, and she chose the 'Xeuji Mahila Xonggho' of Kumarpara. She was very
active and extremely popular there just for being herself - a simple but a colorful person
at the same time. She participated and got awards in the state-wide literary
competitions.
Ma attended two area 'Naam-Ghar's and kept a close relationship with her school staff
even after she retired from there 15 years ago. Everybody loved and respected my
mother for her simplicity and her down-to-earth nature. She had zero 'bhem' and never kept a grudge against anybody. She was a college graduate from the 50's, but was surrounded by a number of friends who did not have any (formal) education. She tried to
help them (and many others, including the maid-servants in our home) to read and write.
She always had a kind word for everyone, be it the 'paper-walla', the 'gakhir-walla', or
the 'fol/torkari-walla'. It was really poignant to see all these folks come to the 'shraddha'
ceremony to pay their 'homage' to my mother - their 'Ma-ji'.
My mother brought us up with strict rules. We had to study in the morning and in the
evening for at least a couple of hours. We could not go out and play except in the
evening and had to come back before dark, wash up, have some 'ruti-gakhir' and then sit
down to study. She would make sure that we studied and remembered the poems by
heart from both Assamese and English literature (text) books, the multiplication tables,
etc., etc. I, as a child, still did manage not to do all the things that she wanted us to, but
only some - I must admit.
Ma did everything in a timely manner who could do multiple tasks at one time - like,
when we were very young, she would cut vegetables, get us (at least 3 of us) to the
kitchen table to do our homework, watch for the boiling daal/rice on two different smokey
'souka's with 'kesa-khori' - all at the same time, and still would make time to listen to the
'Ancholik Batori' broadcasted by Guwahati Radio Center daily, and the weekly drama on
Tuesday nights.
My mother grew up with her grandparents who put her through college. She graduated
with Honors in Philosophy. She started her MA degree at Gauhati University but got
married and could not finish her MA. But that did not stop her education, she went ahead
and enrolled for a BT program, and got her BT. And all this at a time when she was
burdened with 5 young children. Looking back at these accomplishments, she
was really an amazing woman.
I have a feeling that my mother's grandmother quite aptly fulfilled my mother's need for a
mother's love and care. But I think she always missed a father's love and attention even
though her grandfather was also there to provide for the family. But she was also
extremely lucky to have our wonderful father, as a husband. We have a feeling that she
found everything that she missed in the earlier part of her life, in my father - a father's
and a husband's love and care, a friend, and a devoted and life-long companion.
Though very active and mature, my mother loved personal attention and small gestures
pleased her immensely. She loved it when we touched her feet, even if it was to put
cream on the cracks of her feet that she had sometimes, or to apply nail polish on her
toenails, or whatever. She loved to be pampered - and my only regret in life will be that, I
did not pamper her enough. I didn't realize that she would leave us so soon. In many
ways, she was like an innocent child and could be pleased easily with simple things.
When I last visited my Ma in December, she was walking around, went up to the 3rd
floor to dry her clothes without anybody's knowledge, took me to her friends' homes to
visit. She was very sick - bed ridden, in the summer of 2002, but she came alright and
started doing things and walking on her own. So we didn't suspect even for a moment
that she would be snatched away from us so soon.
My mother was a person of principle. She would give up the very item that she most
wanted, if it was at the cost of her principles.
he came to Houston twice (in 1996 and 1999) and lived with me and my brother for six
months - each time. Though she missed her active social life back home, she was also
very happy to be with us in Houston. She noticed and appreciated every little thing. She
tried to take notes on whatever she saw and wherever she went and then wrote articles
on the elementary/secondary school system after visiting our son's school, her travel
experiences etc. She wrote articles and gave lectures on Shri Sankardev when the
people in Houston celebrated 500th birthday of Sankardev.
She taught me to make the almost perfect 'Narikolor laru' while she was in Houston. We
made over 450 'laru's (from fresh coconuts) together for the yearly get-together of all the
Assamese people in 1999. We spent many late nights watching movies - in fact I spent
the most intimate time of my life with my mother when she was in Houston.
I know I will meet my mother some day again and then I hope and pray I will once again
have the opportunity to lavishly pamper her with everything that I somehow
missed doing all these years. The part of me that died with her will come alive then. Till
then, may your soul rest in peace, Ma!
Alpana Sarangapani, Houston, Texas
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