Deuta

Fathers and daughters share a special relationship. The year I was born, Assam Table Tennis won the first Nationals under his guidance and he was also at the peak of his business. He called me his lucky charm but I doubt that as Maa brought him his lady-luck when he married her and my sister, some additional.

When I got a little older, he often carried me to his office in Anuradha. I would sit there scribbling pictures and when my little self got bored he entertained me by showing a glimpse of whatever movie played in the hall. Unknowingly he guided me to the world of cinema which later became my profession. Another frequent visit in the evenings with him was Kanaklata Indoor Stadium. I loved the vibrant energy there. Despite the fact that he never pressured us to excel in games, all his children represented Assam in sports.

…..It was nearly midnight. I was in the middle of my 12th exams. He knocked at my room and walked in. A surprise visit. Leaning on the door next to my table he smiled and said, Maa, if you want to study outside Assam, you need to get it on your own merit. I never understood then, why he said that. Deta generally helped people whenever he could and never made a big deal out of it. I have seen Maa doing the same for our greater family too.

A fortnight later, I would be leaving home for the first time. As we sat for breakfast he looked at me in a casual way and said: Maa, you are going to an unknown city. When you walk the road, stop and look back sometimes because that is what you shall see when you return.  My first lesson in life: Till date, those words not only helped me in any city in the world but also help me when I look back in my life.

New Delhi days: I was just out of my cocoon. Life was slowly unfolding in front of me. My sister accompanied and morally supported me while I played match after match to secure a seat in DU (sports quota). I finally bagged seats in St. Stephens, IP and JMC hence had a choice. Months later I bumped into a friend from Guwahati who was accompanied by a male friend. After befriending him he cheekily said, “Your dad helped me a lot. He wrote me a reference which secured me a seat in one of the best colleges here”. (Deta was then the Vice President of Indian Olympic Association). Shocked, I wanted to squeeze his neck hard but refrained myself out of courtesy. I doubt whether he played district let alone state or nationals.

Upset, the minute I got home, I picked up the phone and confronted Deta. How could you do this to me? You helped some “nobody” while your daughter had to sweat it out?  I even remember tearing a photograph I had of him. But Deta, on the other side of the line was calm. Fight back to me I replied. Hmm. Pise, Maa, kuwa-buwa korisa ne? Making few friends eh? Smartly he changed the topic and left me even more frustrated. Years later I understood why he did that.

Lesson No.2: Fight your own battles. Get the confidence early in life and taste the thrill when you succeed in it. Daddy won’t be around all your life to spoon feed you.

As a student I was given a fixed sum of monthly allowance and I always went over budget. Deta wouldn’t budge. He was never rude to me but said you are a student now; you should try and adjust with the amount provided. He had a strange way to make us learn things. He pampered me with the best of things but at the same time taught me the realities in life.

Lesson No.3: Daddy is not just a cash machine and money does not grow on trees. Learn to value it.

By now, Deta was more of a friend to me. My opening words to him would be Hey Baby, what’s up? Hearing this he would give me a coy smile, nod his head or roll his eyes as thou meaning here she comes. The house will be on fire now. Although Maa brought sophistication and class to our house she insisted that I write to her in Assamese. Ironically Deta spoke to me in English but he taught me to be an Assamese…in the real sense. He even taught me to dance Bihu, something that we both enjoyed watching and cherished every moment of it.

London Days: Whenever Maa and Deta visited us in London, I never had to search for him when I reached home from work. He used to sit in that same chair with the Naga shawl wrap around him either watching TV, reading the newspaper or calling Guwahati to take care of his business. I used to drive them around London but he enjoyed the countryside more. Sitting by a tree in a nearby park, I filmed him while he spoke about his earlier days.
The day I dropped them at Heathrow airport, I came back home and kept smelling his pillow in that empty room. I refused to change the bed sheets for a week. Something told me that might be his last visit.

It is slowly daunting on me that I won’t be able to touch, feel or kiss him anymore. He won’t be massaging my forehead when I run a fever or heal a cramp when I stretch my legs after a game...A silence and then his voice over the long distance call- Maa.. That charming smile and the hug when he greet me at the airport.. but a strange sense of strength has engulfed me since he passed away emphasising he is by my side until eternity.

Be his son or daughter he always encouraged us to be independent, self-sufficient individuals. A constant motivator whenever I feel low in life: Kiyo Nuwariba. Maa, Tumi Mur Suwali. Nichoy Pariba. Those words were like a mantra to me and it gave me immense strength...always will.

While in the hospital and just out of coma, the nurse pointed to me and asked him- Who is she? He gave a vague look at her, took a deep breath and with pride in his eyes looked at me and said: My Daughter and then with great difficulty lifted his hand, did a thumbs up and said: TOP ! TOP !

By Sanchayita Sharma, on the occasion of her father, Phani Sharma’s adya shraddha at Guwahati, on June 25, 2007.

Website of the Dr. Phani Sharma Welfare Trust - www.drphanisharmawelfaretrust.org - is under construction.